When I die....

Recently, someone I know's sister passed away. She died due to complications while pregnant. She died while en route to a hospital, as she lives in a rural area of Kenya. ( for those who think proximity doesn't matter - it very much DOES - even IF you own a car).. And I cannot even go there on leave, because I wouldn't have a place for Josiah - and does a workplace offer leave for the death of a girlfriend's sister? This is America, not Africa or Europe.

I believe she died on November 2nd, known as El Dia de los Muertos or Day of the Dead. Many cultures throughout Earth believe that these days surrounding the first of November ( including Halloween) are days when the realm of the dead is closer to our plane of physical existence. I ask people from Africa their feelings on this type of celebration, and many state they celebrate a persons departure from life on the day they died. In America, we should make Halloween the day it used to be or start celbrating with Hispanics. We don't have the time or memory to remember each individual day a person dies - maybe a few but not all.

My Grandmother Loretta Dougherty is dying of alzheimers. She looks physically okay, but her mind is leaving more and more each day. I cannot even have a coversation with her anymore. She not only forgets things but makes up stories about people who don't exist, are dead, or aren't even around. Even the high dose of Aricept she is on haven't made a difference.

Maybe she has an imaginary friend? But the stories about her "boyfriend" don't make sense. He helped my Grandmother's parents move to a new apartment. Even helped with their dog. Trouble is, my Great Grandparents are dead. So why would they move to a new apartment last month? And her boyfriend works at the same factory my Grandmother gets workman's compensation through. Except that business is down in Anoka County and she is up in Pine County. And as far as I am concerned, my Grandmother is gone already - her physical ghost remains to prove she once existed.

I have not been sure how to console those who have lost a loved one. I don't even know how to make my friend feel better, so instead I listen to what she has to say. My friend's sister had a huge impact on her life, and she is so sad that she left so suddenly. Had she still been around, she was to move to New Hampshire, with her recently graduated husband from there. But she is gone, along with their only child. It is quite a sad turn of events, and a tragedy that I cannot fully comprehend. But it is an event that should make us all realize how precious and delicate this thing called life is. We should celebrate it each day, and not take it for granted.

I do like what Ajahn Brahm says about those who die young. Try thinking about when your flight gets bumped at the airport, and you must fly on the next one. The airline gives you an upgrade to first class as a way to make up the inconvenience. So for those who die young, the next life should get an upgrade. A better life situation is awaiting them, and we should be thankful they have such an opportunity.

I am not trying to be morbid or gothic, but realistic. We are all going to die. So here's my plan - quite simple: cremation. No fighting over where I should be buried - I don't want to be. Why take up a spot on the Earth when 2000 years from now someone will be farming their anyways? It's a cheaper solution than traditional burial, and its interesting I have felt this long before I became Buddhist.

And if I go crazy Alzheimer's - and can't even be myself anymore or am a vegetable - I would rather NOT be around. Yes, move me to Oregon or somewhere else where I can choose to die. I'm not going to waste my time with a "living will." Those who care about me should know my feelings, and for those who don't know - I am posting them. By the time I am old enough to die of Alzheimer's they will either have a cure, proper prevention, or will be as close as they are today to a solution.

And my funeral? I will proudly claim that I stole this idea from my friend Angel: a big PARTY! Yes, that's right. If you want to cry about my death, do it in private. You are crying for yourself, not me. Celebrate that I existed, that I didn't just sit and do nothing my whole life, that I may be a drop in the ocean of life, but I existed nonetheless. If I made an impact on you, it is this that should be celebrated, not mourned as if it were gone. Because the actions of our lives live on, even if we think life may seem pointless - which I don't think it ever is.